Training regimen, round 1

So this is the start of what I hope to be a series on the various ways in which I am personally preparing for my inevitable appearance on television's finest program - American Gladiators.

Monday, 3/24/08
- Ate everything bagel for breakfast to prepare for myriad challenges of The Eliminator

- Biked 5 minutes to work to build up leg strength for Gauntlet

- Clicked around internet for several hours to build up finger strength for Power Ball

- Ate 3 soft pretzels with cheese for lunch to study twisted shape for tips on agility (useful in Earthquake)

- Shot little kids outside my office with Nerf guns to prepare for Assault

- Rode home with my hands to prepare for Hand Bike on The Eliminator

- Climbed into my apartment through the window to get ready for Wall

- Drank myself to sleep because Daddy doesn't love me. That wasn't to prepare it's just true.